How often do you check in with yourself? Like really check in?

Do you think about how you’re feeling? What’s going on in your mind? Why have you been doing certain things? Or not doing them?

This weekend I was struggling hard. I thought I had just been having a tough day. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The last few weeks have been really hard and I’ve just been trying to not drown.

At first I thought it was because work was really busy and I had a ton of deadlines to meet, but once January was over I would be all set. And then February started and I was not magically doing better.

I thought that I had a handle on things and was doing okay, when in actuality I wasn’t. I had slid back into old patterns and old thoughts and without really realizing it, was sliding into a depression.

It seems crazy to think, how did I not realize I wasn’t doing great? I was not being honest with myself. I knew things are off, but I was ignoring and dismissing signs. I feel like my brain was like let’s think about what’s going on and then my anxiety brain was like, no that’s too much effort right now, we’ll do it later. And my brain was like ok fine, I’ve been here before so no problem. It was a problem, a HUGE problem!!

I started to realize I was really going into a depression when I had seen some instagram posts about signs of depression. It got me thinking, yep, I can relate.

And if you’re not sure what depression looks like or need a reminder or a check in, here are signs of depression according to the Mayo Clinic:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

Looking back, I had about 10 out of these 12 signs. OOF! It’s almost scary that these signs can creep in without realizing it.

It is so important to check in with yourself. Like really check in! Don’t ignore the signs of depression. Also, if you’re like me and have ignored them – DO NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF for missing them! From previous experience, that does not help the situation!

Give yourself grace and time. Have a therapist or people in your corner that can support you. I’m so thankful for the people in my life that I can count on and reach out to when I’m struggling.

Now that I’ve really checked in with myself and realized what was happening, I can take the appropriate steps to move forward and out of this depression.

And I am in no way an expert on mental health. I’m just sharing my experiences to let people know they are not alone and that it’s more than okay to seek help when you need it.

So this is just a PSA to check in with yourself. How are you really doing?

Be YOU. BeYOUtiful.