I originally wrote this post in September of 2018, but I never published it. Like a lot of my posts, I start to write and then just hit a wall and stop. Well I’m committed to changing that, I’m committed to showing up and publishing my posts.

This past weekend I cut my hair again, so I found it fitting to finally hit publish on this. 

Unedited Original Post:

I cut my hair today.

I. CUT. MY. HAIR. TODAY.

WTF was I thinking?

I’ll tell you.

My decision to cut my hair was somewhat spontaneous, but somewhat planned. Over the past few years I have thought about doing something different with my hair. But I didn’t really know what. Hair has never been my thing. I have a lot of it, and I hate taking care of it. I always get compliments on my hair when it’s down. But becuase I always feel like my hair is a mess you will usually find me with my hair up.

This morning I was having somewhat of a panic attack. My morning started off ok, but not great. I got in the shower and I broke down. Everything seemed so heavy. I was listening to a video about intuition and trusting your gut. Well I’m one of the most indecisive people ever. Making a decision is really tough for me. I often think about all the possibilities of a decision and nothing seems right. I overwhelm myself with doubt.

As I cried in the shower I thought about my hair. I felt like my hair was one of the things that I wanted to change but never do because of fear of how it will turn out or how people will react. People always told me I had long beautiful hair and that I should never cut it. But I wanted to cut it. I. WANTED. TO. CUT. IT. SO I DID!

As I made the first cut I was in shocked. What the hell did I just do? I had to finish the job. So I did. I continued to cut my hair.

For me, cutting my hair was like standing up for myself. It was the change that I wanted. And if it’s not perfect or I don’t like it, it can grow back. Just like making a decision, I can move on. Decisions aren’t final and you can learn from it and move on. So cutting my hair was like a symbol for me that I can follow through with a decision, see the outcome and move on.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and love my newly short hair, other times I think I must look like a crazy person. But I’m happy that I did it for myself.

Back to 2020:

I’m glad that I cut my hair back in 2018, I loved having short hair. Then I got engaged and decided to grow my hair out for the wedding. When we made the decision to postpone the official wedding, I was somewhat excited to have my hair even longer for the big day, but then I was also annoyed that I had to take care of long hair for another year. 

I got the urge to cut it again, and so I did. I did it for myself. I have a husband that loves me no matter what hairstyle I have. Right now, I love having short hair. And when my official wedding happens next year, my hair will be whatever it will be.

Any way, take chances. Nothing is permanent. Do what feels right for you.

What risks are you taking right now? Let me know in the comments!

Be YOU. BeYOUtiful.